My friends, they love my intelligence
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
