I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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