Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Last time i carry you out of a forest
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
