no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
how does that bad decision feel?
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