Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
