Your face is a jimmy john
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
