I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
