Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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