I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
