I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
