Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
