Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
