Got a toothbrush?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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