I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
