That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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