i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
