Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
