There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I didn't notice because vodka
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
The struggles of a small town man whore
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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