stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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