A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
