you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
