She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
