She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
