Her vagina should come with caution tape.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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