im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
