What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
