exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
