We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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