How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
