she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
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