Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I'm passing your future prison.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
