As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
