It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
