help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
