i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
