Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
