no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
