I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
