don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
two words...techno handjob
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
