did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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