dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
