You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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