yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
