I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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