I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
