Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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