Just fell off a train. Bad.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
