My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
