If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
The struggles of a small town man whore
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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