I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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